Tantrums are common in keiki between the ages of two (2) and four (4), in fact up to 80% of keiki between these ages have tantrums. Contrary to popular belief tantrums are not more common in public, it just seems that way to parents because we worry about what others think of our parenting skills when our keiki throws a fit in public.

A tantrum is usually intense but of short duration if handled properly. The average tantrum starts to subside after one (1) minute and end within five (5) minutes. However, if we pay a lot of attention to the tantrum it can last even longer.

There are some common causes for tantrums:

POWER STRUGGLES. Your keiki is trying to assert his/her independence and wants to do things his/her way.

A LACK OF PATIENCE on either the keiki's part or the parent's part. Keiki do not like to have to wait and parents tend to always be in a hurry .

A LACK OF LANGUAGE SKILLS Young keiki have not always developed the words necessary to express themselves and they become frustrated with their inability to say what the want or don't want.

FRUSTRATION Frustration is related to the two previous causes but often is because a keiki is unable to do or have what they want. This is frequently the cause when a parent denies them a want.

LACK OF SLEEP Keiki need approximately 11 hours of sleep a night and an hour to hour and a half nap during the day. When keiki do not get enough sleep they have less tolerance and are more likely to misbehave or have a tantrum.

STRESS Often parents are not aware of how much stress their keiki are under. (Managing children's stress will be covered in a later column.)

FEAR When keiki are afraid they often do not know how to express their fear in a way parents can understand.

NEED FOR ATTENTION Parents always pay attention when their keiki misbehave but pay less attention when keiki are being good. If a keiki feels like they have been ignored for too long they may throw a tantrum to get their parent's attention.

Now that you know some of the cause of tantrums the following are some simple steps to managing them.

•Try to make sure your keiki gets enough sleep.

•Tell him or her the behavior that you want. Telling your child to behave is not good enough. You must define behave for him or her. "Sit quietly in the cart." "Put your toys on the shelves."

•When you go into public remind your keiki when you arrive what behaviors you expect.

•Don't try to go shopping or run errands when your keiki is hungry or tired. Give them a high protein snack or let them have their nap before you go.

•Whenever possible give keiki choices. Keiki like to feel that they are making decisions. The choice should be between two things, either of which is acceptable to you. Avoid yes and no questions.

•When you see your child escalating, make him or her laugh. Don't make fun of him but if you can make him laugh it is possible you can make him forget what it was that he wanted.

•If you can't prevent the tantrum ignore it and the minute your keiki stops pay attention to the positive behavior. The worse thing to do is to give in to the tantrum because then you are teaching that throwing a tantrum gets you what you want.

Should your keiki hurt him or herself, break things or otherwise become violent consult a health professional.